Forever Yours

Forever Yours

By Prabalta Rijal

The fresh fragrance of the sweet summer blossoms the soft feathery touch of the morning breeze and blissful smile on my husbands sleepy face just made my day, life back in those days was lovely, it felt like living a dream. Somehow, things were perfect, infact just too perfect to be true.

 The crazy college days the classes, we bunked together the cute gifts and bunches of flowers and romantic messages, the late night telephone calls the yearning to be with each other every second of the day and the fairy tale wedding…. Who would have thought life would take such a drastic turn for the worst.

I can still remember that horrific day, it didn’t start off badly, we had gotten  up to the sound of my wind chime alarm like every other morning, shared the bathroom as we got ready for work had our usual bowl of cornflakes before heading out. My husband dropped me off at the clinic before going to the bank where he had been working for nearly three years.

As I kissed him goodbye that morning he promised to pick me up for lunch we had tonnes of shopping to do for the baby, I was six months pregnant and we felt it was high time we got the baby’s room ready.

We had lunch together at our favourite restaurant and we shopped till I dropped. I was so exhausted he had to drop me off at home before returning to work.

 He had gotten out of the car helped me in, had coffee,kissed me and the baby goodbye before heading back to work.

Though both of us were unaware of it at that time it was our last day together. I would never see him again we would never kiss again or share a cuppa coffee ever again.  If only we had known, I would not have let him go that day.

 I was cooking dinner and humming away to our favourite song while waiting for him to return, when the phone rang….That one phone call changed everything it turned my life upside down. I felt like I had been stabbed. I can still hear the police officer’s voice echo in my ears, “ I’m sorry maam, your husband is no more”.

I lost everything in a matter of seconds, it hurt so bad, I wanted to cry but there were no tears,I wanted to speak but my voice was lost in my throat and all I wanted to do was prove the officer wrong.

I put the phone down and hastily dialed his number my fingers trembling as I did, his cell phone rang but it wasn’t his voice on the otherside. He was gone lost in the darkness of the night, I would never see him again.

Apparently, my husband’s car had collided with a petrol tanker that had just overtaken another vehicle and with a blink of an eye, in a matter of seconds my husband was no more.

I get up every morning wishing to find him next to me, see him smiling in his sleep, my ears still yearn to hear his voice to feel his touch. I still get up in the middle of the night and walk in to his study only to find it empty. He would put me to bed and spend hours in his study before crawling into bed, taking me into his arms, and whispering goodnight.

The cupboards are still packed with his clothes, his shirts still smell of his favourite perfume his shoes are still lined up on the shoe rack, like always our room is just the way he had left it, I have done my best to keep it tidy the way he did, everything is just the way he likes it.

This is our home it will always remain his and mine, I haven’t changed anything, and though my mind tells me he will never return, I want him to come my heart will never let go and when he does return I want everything to be perfect.

I still spend hours at our favourite restaurant hoping to see him walk through the door with his coat in his arms, I keep dialing his number hoping he will pick it up and tell me he’s coming home.

My days are all empty, I don’t want live without him but I have to go on for our little one. This baby meant the world to him, he was so excited about having her, his darling daughter. He would hold me, put his ears on to my stomach just to hear her move even, when I slept.

He would get so restless to see her ,he was so desperately for her arrival, and just to hear her move he had permanently removed my stethoscope from my bag. He had spent hours reading books on parenting and his study table is still lined up with baby books. He had also spent weeks looking for his angel’s name, sadly he hadn’t been able to decide on one so I named her Angel, cause that was what he used to refer to her as. .

He had always wanted a beautiful baby girl, she would have been the apple of her father’s eye. Everything about her reminds me of him she looks just like him, has the same smile the same glow in her eyes, my little Angel in so many ways is just like her father.

We had planned to give her the perfect life and today that’s all I live for and no matter how difficult it is I have to go on for our daughter because this is what he would have wanted.

And, though I miss him terribly I cannot reunite with him till my baby grows up into a beautiful, outgoing, independent adult her father would have wanted her to become, for I know he is watching over us like a guardian angel and smiling down at us, while we wait for the right time to forever be together.